Oh god, please make it stop.


I’m sat in Cafe Nero and the manager comes and sits down next to me with an Italian guy she’s interviewing for a job. Let’s just say he hasn’t exactly been acing it, which has been awkward enough but then…

Manager: So what do you know about Cafe Nero?
Man: I know that my friend used to work in one.
Manager: Right. And what did your friend tell you about it?
Man: Just that… He is American. And he like it.
Manager: OK. Nothing else?
Man: No.
Manager: And what do you know about our products?
Man: Umm. I think I’m not really sure right now.
Manager: You’re not sure? Do you know the kind of things we sell?
Man: Umm. Uh. I just don’t know at the moment.
Manager: Right… Well. For instance, do you know we sell coffee?
Man: No.
Manager: No, you didn’t know that?
Man: I don’t think so.
Manager: Well could you name some types of coffee we might sell?
Man: Uh. Um. Ok…

*Long pause*

Manager: What about, espresso, for instance?
Man: Yes. Espresso. And … Latte?
Manager: Yes we sell lattes. Let’s just say we sell lots of different coffees.
Man: Yes say that.
Manager: Do you have any hobbies?
Man: Underwater fishing.
Manager: As opposed to… Above water fishing?
Man: That’s right.

I can’t cope.


Manager: Can you name the three most important things in your life?
Man: My family… My friends… My life.
Manager: Your life is the most important thing in your life?
Man: Yes.



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