Flashback to two years ago when I met these little smashers….


Two Welsh women from the Valleys just approached me. Matching pink anoraks, the classic bingo goers haircut (short back and sides with a light feathering around the face), both of them early 60s, obviously a bit lost.

Taffy 1: Excuse me bibs, but do you know where this is?

*She hands me a very well worn scrap of paper that reads: “AMORA sex museum, Coventry Street, London W1. Join us to experience an erotic theme park (without the rides!), and let us teach you new and scintillating ways to pleasure your partner”… Naturally, I’m all over them like a rash after this.*

Me: Sorry ladies, there’s not actually a specific address on here. It just says Coventry Street, but that could be anywhere along this road. I could try googling it for you if you like?
Taffy 1: Oh yeah please bibs. We’ve had a bloody cracking time so far, I tell you. We been rocking and rolling since we arrived yesterday morning; this would be this icing on the cake, this would!
Me: Right, lemme see what I can find… Well I’m googling the website, but it’s saying the domain is inactive?
Taffy 2: *Cackling like a hyena* I’m not bleeding surprised! Three years she’s been clutching on to that scrap of paper! It probably closed down yonks ago.
Taffy 1: No! It probably just closed down this morning ‘cos they heard I wanted to bring YOU!
Taffy 2: Haha! Oh I tell you bibs, we’re having a ball, we are. We went to see the Lion King yesterday, we did. Then we went down by The Waldorf and had us some fancy cocktails. Then get THIS: we went in the casino, been gambling all night, we have!
Taffy 1: Yeah, all night long. Can you believe it? I won a tenner on the roulette as well. Then guess what? We only went and met two men! Works on the oil rigs, they does. One of ‘um owns a yacht in NEW YORK! New bloody York. Have you ever heard the like? We bagged ourselves a pair of good ‘uns there.
Me: Bloody hell girls, it sounds like you’ve been setting the city on fire! London didn’t know what it was in for when you two stepped off the coach, did it?
Taffy 1 & 2: Hahahaha, no it never!
Taffy 1: Shame about that sex museum though. I been looking forward to that for 3 years, I have. Never mind, we’ll just head in to Soho and see what they got going on in the way of sexy stuff there, shall we?
Taffy 2: Yeah, we got hours ’til the coach home, the night is young!
Me: Tara girls, have fun!
Taffy 1 & 2: Tara love!


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