You cannot rationalise with these people.


Customer: Have you got tickets for Once tonight?
Me: Yeah. I’ve got tickets in the upper circle at £25, or some really lovely stalls seats at £35 which have been discounted from the face value of £69.
C: That’s a good deal.
Me: Yeah.
C: Hmmmm I’m tempted, but can you tell me if they have a cat in the show?
Me: Uh – like a real life cat?
C: Yes.
Me: No… The show doesn’t feature a cat, it’s a love story set in Ireland.
C: Oh. We wanted a show with a cat in it, really. We wouldn’t mind a dog but we’d prefer a cat.
Me: There’s no shows with cats or dogs in.
C: But we’ve seen him on TV, he’s a little ginger cat on a lead and his owner is a homeless man.
Me: Are you talking about Bob the Cat?
C: Yeah, that’s him!
Me: Well… I mean, he’s not a performer? It’s an actual real life homeless man and his pet cat. They sit up on Covent Garden some times.
C: But I want to see him in a show.
Me: Well it doesn’t work like that. You can’t just pick an animal off the street and decide you want them to be cast in a random show of your choosing.
C: *Long confused look like she’s detecting that there’s some sarcasm happening but she can’t detect why* Oh. So Bob’s not in a show now then?
Me: Not now nor ever.
C: And there’s no dogs?
Me: Not since Oliver! closed.
C: That’s a shame.
Me: Is it? I just… Next!


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