Just found this note saved on my phone from October 2010.

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A woman, aged around 25, enters my shop and makes a phone call. The following is a verbatim transcript of her conversation.

Woman: *In to phone* Hey baby! I’m here now. What do you want me to ask for? … Yeah, I’ll ask … I miss you … Well I’ll get home as fast as I can. Don’t forget I’ve got to get the tube to Leytonstone and then drive from there though, so it’ll be a while before I’m with you … I love you… No, I love you! *Giggle giggle* No, I love YOU! *Giggle giggle* I can’t wait to see you… Love you, love you, love you. Bye, bye, bye. LOVE YOU! *Finally hangs up. To me* Sorry, that was my Mum. She wants tickets for All The Fun of the Fair?

Your MOTHER? Babe, what the fuck? That’s butterz. And no we don’t have All The Fun of the Fair, because it closed due to there not being enough weirdos like you to fill the theatre.

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