Customer: Sorry. Quickly, my English not good.
Me: Standard. How can I help?
C: Tell me about dancing.
Me: As in dance shows?
Me: Well we don’t really have any dedicated dance shows but Dirty Dancing probably has the most dancing out of the musicals.
C: Dirty Dancing, yes! That’s what I want.
Me: You want tickets? When would you like to go?
C: No I don’t want to go there, I want to work there.
Me: Work there? In what capacity?
C: I’ll do the dancing.
C: You tell me how I get a dance job there.
*I’ll emphasise here that this man is about 50 and rounder than your average*
Me: You want me to tell you how you can be a dancer in Dirty Dancing?
C: Yes. I love to dance.
Me: Well it’s not that easy —
C: No you misunderstand me, I want tickets.
Me: Hang on, so you don’t want to be a dancer?
C: No. Just tickets for me to go there and deal with the application.
Me: I literally have no idea what you want from me.
C: *Starts jigging on the spot* I want you to make me a dancer.
Me: OK fine. But this ain’t gonna be easy, kid. I only work with the best, that means you gotta be in the studio an hour before everyone else. You’re gonna stay there an hour after everyone else leaves. I want you to eat, breathe and sleep dancing … Nah but seriously though, I’ve got to crack on. You have a nice day now, yeah?