In one hundred yards, bear left.


Some Joker: How long will it take me to drive from the Best Western hotel in Oxford to the Essex Road in London?
Me: I have no idea, sorry.
SM: *Disbelieving face* Oh really, you seriously don’t know?
Me: No.
SJ: Are you serious?
Me: I’ve never set foot in Oxford in my life. No, I don’t know. Sorry.
SJ: So what are you actually doing here then?
Me: You mean what could I possibly be doing other than directing people from Oxford to London? I’m selling theatre tickets.
SJ: So how am I supposed to find this stuff out?
Me: I’m sure there’s myriad ways, like: the internet, sat nav, perhaps ask the concierge at this Best Western hotel of yours —
SJ: Why can’t you just look it up for me? Can’t you print me some maps and stuff?
Me: I’m sorry, are you actually here to buy theatre tickets?
SJ: No.
Me: Smashing. Bye, then.


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