Hakuna Matata.

Standard

Me: I only have standing tickets left for Lion King tonight.
Customer: Standing tickets? What does that mean?
Me: That you’ll stand at the back for the entire show, around two and a half hours.
C: Oh sure, standing at the back of the stage yeah?
Me: Uh, no. At the back of the auditorium.
C: Oh. We’d only be interested if you can get us standing at the back of the stage.
Me: Look, you drive a hard bargain, but sure, fine. For the princely sum of £20, let me just get Disney on the blower and arrange for you bunch of scrubbers to have special dispensation to wander around the stage freely throughout the duration of the show. Perhaps if there’s any gazelle heads going spare you could whack one of those on and stand in as ensemble members? I mean, I know the rest of the cast have spent tens of thousands of pounds on professional training, but I’m sure they won’t mind you mucking in… No babe. Not a chance in hell you’ll be setting your grotty trotters on that stage.

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