Pointing at the exact location of the seats on a seating plan.
Me: So if you want the cheapest option for Wicked it’s going to be a side view seat here at £22.50 each.
C: But where will we sit?
Me: Just where I’m pointing here, at the side.
C: Will it be centre seats?
Me: No. You’ll be on the side. See where I’m pointing at the end of the row?
C: But where exactly in the row?
Me: The end of the row. On the side.
C: Is it a clear view?
Me: You’ll have a side view.
C: Can we have central seats?
Me: Certainly. They cost £50 each.
C: No we want to pay £22.50, just give us the most central side seats.
Me: There’s no such thing as “central side”. If you want to pay £22.50 you’ll sit on the far side, just where I’ve been pointing out to you for the last 5 minutes.
C: But I don’t understand where I’ll sit?
Me: To be honest, if you can’t grasp the concept of “side seats” even with a visual aid, I just don’t think you’re going to be able to navigate your way to the theatre in the first place.
C: We’re just trying to clarify whether we’ll be sitting at the side?
Me: Unfortunately the show is now entirely sold out. Can you believe it? I literally don’t have a single ticket left. OK. Bore me later. See you never. NEXT!