Geordie Bint: What you got?
Me: It’s actually the busiest Saturday of the year so far so we have very little left. There’s a list here, if I’ve crossed it out – it means it’s now sold out.
G.B: No way am I paying that. Jersey Boys?
Me: Best seats reduced from £69 to £46.
G.B: You’ve got to be joking, no way. Bodyguard?
Me: Technically it’s sold out, but if I can find returns they’ll be £56–
G.B: No. I’ve already said, I’m not paying that much.
Me: OK, that’s fine, I’m just telling you what we’ve got —
G.B: Right, forget it. Jersey Boys tomorrow?
Me: If you can go tomorrow I can get you tickets starting from £24.50.
G.B: Oh yeah, for crap seats up in the gods – no thanks.
Me: OK brilliant. I suggest you just go eat a dick then.
Oh also, the next person who interrupts me before I’ve finished a sentence is going to find their gizzards suddenly dangling out their belly button. Cheers in advance.