Tony Drury

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On the 16th April 2011, a fella named Tony Drury wandered in off the street looking for Jersey Boys tickets. Before I knew what had hit me, he’d wound up staying for two hours. He sang countless songs for me and regaled me with hundreds of tales.

To give you a little background on Tone …

His cousin is Simon Cowell, which is why he won’t audition for X Factor – It’s not good to mix business with family.

He has climbed both Mount Kilamanjaro and the K2 Mountain, the latter being the hardest. Whilst regaling us with this, he stripped all the clothes off his top half to show us a scar along his back. He gained this scar when he fell 20,000 feet from the peak of the K2 Mountain, and was left dangling from a branch for 12 hours before being rescued.

He is a Bank Robber.

He has a 9 inch penis and is under a lot of pressure to become a porn star.

He used to be a millionaire. Not just 1 million, but 27 million. The majority of which was won in Las Vegas. A combination of winnings from singing competitions and getting lucky on the roulette tables.

He used to play football with Wayne Rooney. Wayne once challenged him to a fight in their local boxing ring, because “that’s what thieving Scousers are like”. Tone K.O’d him by performing a split kick to Wayne’s face.

When Tone was 17, Richard Branson let him use one of his islands in the Bahamas to take his then girlfriend on a suprise holiday for her birthday.

He was Prom King 3 years running.

He got a right thrashing from the press when he quit his school football team. He’d won every game for them for 7 years but had to quit over a dispute with a team member. The local newspapers took him to the cleaners. He wept for weeks at having to leave the team, but he had his pride to think of.

His daughter is a model. His son is a Cage Fighter.

He has connections in LA and would be able to get us cast in a film if we went on a date with him. We had the choice of a small part in a blockbuster, or a lead part in a smaller, independant movie.

He is one of the Top 5 Dancers in the world. His mad dancing skills were the reason he had to quit his job as a captain in the navy.

He is the best singer in the world. Behold … (He asked me to record this)

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