Saturday, 21 July 2012 at 11:11

Standard

As I was attempting to open up this morning, I realised that the handle which opens the window at the front of the shop had jammed. The only option for me was to climb on to a wheely chair and try to force the handle open. Obviously this was incredibly brave of me because I could have plummeted to my death at any second as the chair veered around maniacally like a baby giraffe on roller skates. Foolishly, I had left the front window ajar by about 2 inches as I struggled with the handle, so as this calamity was taking place, standard procedure that a Chinese tourist shoves his face in to the tiny gap.

Tourist: Excuse me, Sir.
Me: Not open.
T: Excuse me, Sir.
Me: No.
T: Sir?
Me: No.
T: Sir?
Me: We’re closed.
T: Sir, how much is Lion King?
Me: I LITERALLY DON’T KNOW WHAT I AM MORE IRATE ABOUT, THE FACT THAT THE SHOP IS SO OBVIOUSLY CLOSED, OR THE FACT THAT YOU SEEM TO BE OPERATING UNDER THE ASSUMPTION THAT I AM A MAN! GO AWAY!

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