Monday, 5 March 2012 at 17:17


Me: The seating is alphabetical, so the rows range from A to Z (pronounced “ZED”). 
Hellish Yank: *Utterly dumb founded, violently gob smacked and entirely discombobulated* I’m sorry, WHAT did you just say?
Me: I said: it’s alphabetical, so it starts at the front with row A and then ranges back to row Z (ZED) at the back. 
H.Y: Hang on. *Face like he’s chewing on a wasp whilst having shit injected in to his veins* I don’t understand. What is this word you’re saying; “Zuh-eh-duh”? I’m confused?
Me: A to Z, like the alphabet of the English language, y’know English, your mother tongue?
H.Y: *Staring at me like I’m a paraplegic who’s just offered him a lap dance* So, let me just start again, you are telling me that the row at the back of the theatre is… *Cogs begin to whir in his teeny, ignorant brain, little light begins to flicker behind the otherwise blank eyes* OH WAIT! Oh hang on! I think I got it! Haha! You mean Zee! Row Zee! Like the alphabet, A to Zee! Haha ohhhh OK, I understand you now, you were just pronouncing it wrong! Zeeeee!
Me: I find you repugnant.


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